My Friend Was Raped: Now What?
I am sharing
her story because I believe our society as whole, has the responsibility to
help and protect everyone who has been a victim of a sexual assault.
An early evening, a young lady left a bar where she was enjoying a couple drinks with friends. I will call her “Margi”.
Margi walked out of the bar laughing, appreciating live as most 25 years-old women would do. She was thinking about tomorrow. She was making plans for her future. As she walked under the moon, a few steps away from the bar, a demonic hand pulled her into the seventh circle of hell. In a split of second, she went from a normal life, to a meeting with evil, face to face. She was raped.
She
screamed. She fought. She resisted her attacker knowing that her life depended
on it. She continued screaming until her throat burned, scorched by her cries. But
her petrifying cries were interrupted by something bigger, something darker,
capable of causing harms beyond belief. She was forced to fight death to remain
alive.
What is left
after burning in hell?
Margi was
consumed by rage. Her skin burned to the bones. She was in unimaginable pain.
There was not a single cell in her body that did not hurt. She felt as if every
nerve in her body was simply destroyed. She felt her world collapsing right at
her side, and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. She dialed
911.
Only another
person who has been forcibly raped can identify the pain, the hurt, the agony,
the anguish, the torment, and the suffering that is felt after a horrifying
sexual assault. The rest of us can only imagine it. Even so, what we feel and
what the victims feel would never be the same. All we can do is provide them
with emotional support and personal space for them to grieve. Margi called 911
because she needed help. She was bleeding. She was bruised and badly hurt, not
only physically, but more so emotionally.
The guilt.
The guilt.
After a
person have been raped, the victim is hunted by one question: Was the sexual
assault my fault?
No Margi,
the sexual assault was not your fault.
I am writing
this statement with clear and absolute convention that the sexual assault was
not your fault. There should not be one victim on this earth who should believe
that being raped or sexually assaulted is her or his fault. No one victim should
feel guilty for being forcefully raped. Rape is an act of evil and we all
should stand and fight against sexual assaults.
It does not
matter if the rape was done by someone you know, someone closed to you, someone
dear to your heart, or by a complete stranger. Being raped is never the victims
fault. Rape is an unlawful, dreadful, awful action committed against you, without
your consent. The most important words that you should keep in your mind are, if
you did not consent to the sexual action, it was a sexual assault, and
therefore, it was not your fault. It was the fault of evil.
It’s been a couple months since she was raped. The physical pain left behind after she was raped is gone. But her soul is damaged forever. Being raped is something that Margi has to learn to deal with. However, it is the guilt of being raped that is killing her. The guilt takes her to darker places where she feels she is drowning alone. Thinking that the sexual assault was her fault. Making her life a living hell.
After Margi called 911, a police officer showed up at the crime scene. While she was grateful for the much-needed physical support, Margi still battles the emotional damage caused by the first responder. The police officer who suggested that the sexual assault was her fault. That subtle underlying accusation destroyed what was left of her confidence, dignity, self-respect, and self-esteem.
Police officers responding to a sexual assault crime scene must remember that first, the victim of a sexual assault is a human being who has been deprived of her/his dignity. Second, “One of the most sacred principles in the American criminal justice system, holding that a defendant is innocent until proven guilty. In other words, the prosecution must prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, each essential element of the crime charged.” (Cornell Law School, 2017).
A police officer responding to the cries of the victims of a sexual
assault should never make the victims feel that the sexual attack was their
fault. I highly recommend that any police officer who responds to the
desperate call of the victim of a sexual assault to be first human and then become
an investigator. Making the victims feel the sexual assault was their fault
may cause deeper damage than the physical ones. Those subtle accusations can brand
the victims’ soul for the rest of their lives and almost certainly interfere
with the victims’ ability to recover from their traumatic experience.
Some of the skills that the
victims of sexual assault need from the police officers responding to their
desperate cries for need and help are respect, compassion, understanding,
calmness, discretion, dependence, perception, empathic, tolerance, humility,
open-mindedness, non-impulsiveness, patient, reasoning, and strong work ethics.
I respect and appreciate the dangerous work of police officers. I
understand it is a stressful job and they are constantly putting their lives on
the line to prevent us from danger and harm. I thank all of you for protecting
us, protecting our society, and promoting peace and security.
At the same time, I also have the moral responsibility to remind all
police officers that there is time to be human, there is time to be a hero, and
there is time to be an investigator. Responding to the call of a victim of a sexual
assault is the time to be human. Margi was already hurt. She did not need your
accusations. At that particular moment, what she needed the most was your moral
support and your protection.
Margi had unforgettable damage
to her self-esteem, self-respect, morale, and trust of people. But she is still
recovering. She still is a strong, beautiful special woman. Your family and friends love
you unconditionally.
Iberkis Faltas, MSIA,
PhD (ABD)
Sources:
Key Traits and Characteristics Sought in
Police Officers. (2012). City of
Bainbridge Island. Retrieved from http://www.bainbridgewa.gov/DocumentCenter/View/1834
Presumption of Innocence. (2017). Cornell Law School Legal Information
Institute. Retrieved from https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/presumption_of_innocence
